DAPHNE's BLOG!

Monday, August 29, 2005

.. sAtuRdaY .. SunDaY .. mOndaY..

SatuRday... i was like rushing all the day...1st..9.00 am doing project in the main library..discuss..do powerpoint slide till 11.30...then rush to fajar for dental appointment...yupppie!! doc said that im able to remove my braces after 3 more visits... yeah!!! longing for this day....but quite weird as in he didnt put back the bracket for me..(the one which dropped out due to eating of popcorn) hehe...next...me, sis n mum went to ah yi's place...as she has just gave birth to a baby gal...after going to ah yi's place, we went to Westmall to watch haha...Finallly...have the time to watch it...haha...scare like siao...still cant scream lei..cos previously, when we watched , i screamed like hell n was warned by sis not to scream this time round....but..i failed...i screamed.... lastly, after the show..shop wif mum at westmall waiting for our own appt time. then.... i meet joey-sis for shopping....hehe...finally..i got the chance to meet her...we went Heeren..though we shopped but the facts is we tok more than shop...perhaps, we have not chat wif each other recently..so tends to tok non-stop when we met each other...hehe...happy!!!! then next destination was...QB bar...we chilled out over there...... got to thanked her ah bang for the drink...after that, sis n friends were also around there..so i joined them til 3 am++.... singing...drinking....aha~so enjoying ~

Sunday... it was baby-sis's birthday...wooo~ she looks gorgeous today...with that hairdo from Storm...and that Sexy and 'in' skirt...wee...u....wee....Pretty lei...really...so envy her...with beautiful features and wonderful figure..if...i were to have...haha...sis n i went to ktv @ 4y...ard 11++ ..st first i thought that i would be left out...but....haha...never!!! she still talk alot to me...we took photos...EEeeee...me looks soooo FAT!!! and UGLY!!! on that photo...i guess..is BEAUTY And UGLY!!! again!! i was being hurt and attack cos people said that i look MORE ROUNDER...SEEMS TO PUT ON WEIGHT... those words are like dainty morsels, and they go down into the innermost parts of my body...the unfortunate me was injuried by these "tiny morsels" EEE...but i do enjoy over there...though it's ktv..but sis n i dare not sing much cos ...at there...so paiseh..mah..so we sang at the end meaning when we sang..many of them have left...hehe...we left ard 4am++ tired~ but enjoying..

Monday...argh!!! i did badly for my Bd presentation...shivering and trembling in my presentation....YUCKS!!! Fucking sad that i didnt do well...cos i did practiced infront of the mirror but i still can't get over that phobia of stage right and tongue-tied..EEEeeee...hate it la.....after 2 years of practices still like that...quite sad lo....hope i will do better in future...

i was abit disappointed..when i know that i treat A as one of my buddies yet from A's mouth i knew that i wasn't that important as how A to me..what a devastating feeling....i know there is one saying that "Don't expect any return when you treat someone good" well..i didn't! just that i'm feeling down cos its hurt...its that kind of pain which i had suffered in the friendship of marie and brenda... eversince, such incident i dare not to share much of my problems and secrets to any of my friends..but when i met A, A was someone i can share and trust..at times we do have the same views and thoughts that makes me feel like we are one 'clicks' haiz...just wondering when can i find a real buddy or so- called 'zhi ji' ?? just like wat baby-sis said to me...sometimes in my life you may not even find one...haiz.... i don't view such thing as anyone's fault but it was mine instead..perhaps i'm someone who have more bad than good characters that makes me not to taste any of the longest and sweetest friendship...recently, to A's issue, i did tell sis and dose it consider as gossip? or just sharing my feelings with sis? i hope it is not gossip..as i don't think there is anything i despite worse than gossip...it cause undue contention and strife...TRUST is destroyed and FRIENDSHIPS are broken when poisonous contents of such thing leak..anyway..i think i'm going tooo far..hehe..

i received his letter..yeah nothing much was mentioned in that letter..just that he told me how's his feeling? and the rest was replying to my previous letter..knowing that after reading my previous letter..he's feeling much better..that's good...

+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:FOR A FRIEND:+:+:+:+:+::+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:

sometimes i know i did neglect you..attitude you..... i know u will be reading this..so i would like to use this chance to say this to you...sometimes some thing are hard to express it out..but appreciating others without telling them is like winking at someone in the dark....i am glad that despite of those bad points i have...i still deserve your care and concern...im really touched by you when i received your message before test, those encouragement and supportive words from you...THANKS for being my listener and THANKS for being there when i need you !!! just like what we said..one can't really totally understand the other one's feelings...but i do believe that even if i can't understand your feeling i will still be there whenever you need me....

be happy~
missing.u....

sign off ~

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

....mOOOoooDy....

haiz....y ??? WHY??? why didtn i receive his letter?? is he getting sick of me??? joey sis said that she told him that i was busy with my project thats y i didn't see him on sunday..i was wondering was he the one who asked? or sis was the one who told him ( he wasn't seems to care or bother to ask).......sometimes...i really really wonder wat's going to happen to me next? n wat will the world beccome ten years down the road.?? everything that is bad n 'suay' seem to have the fate with me... am i such a fucking 'suay bong'? why must i experience such thing where i am born to be such a emotional gal.... i really HATE it!!! those emotional 'things' had tortured me enough!! ENOUGH! just like yesterday...i had tried so hard not to think about the past..yet ....yesterday show...the show had brought me back to the past...that unforgetable nightmare... when i watch it i cried along with it..i had totally describe my feeling...n thats wat i feel...for the past 2 years..it had haunt me every now n then...in other ppl's eyes i may be such a WEAKLING...COWARD.. i don't care cos such ppl have no rights to comment about me! n they won't understand the feeling or things i had experience...

yes..i such a 'suay bong' who born in such broken family...a BROKEN family that brings me sadness... always had problems...mum's that side...wat makes her sad will gradually affect me...the moment i see her, i will feel that kind of sadness she had..n that kind of pain she's suffering....that kind of exasperation she had.....argh!!! n whenever i was chatting wif her on the phone i could sense that kind of loneliness she felt..i guess she knows that i was crying..even though i tried so hard to disguise it... n on dad's side...haiz...linking wif mum...i feel so bad when i was wif mum....he was being betrayed by me...n at times i need his help but it is just that i have no courage to approach him.....BUT... BUT...besides living in such a broken family...i am glad that i found one word 'happiness' in here...i glad that i have many supporters in this family.... besides friends, mum is my great listener, she is the one who told and taught me alot lots of things and dad who is sooo 'open' than all my uncle.., he is someone who don't discourage me..n always look after all of us( sis, me, ying n ivan) secretly....n still want to pretend..hehe....great daddy!!! next...sis...this stupid n funny sis...the dead drunkard..who i asked her where she put the cigarette..n keeping telling me..what 'Fat Ass' n 'January..' guess she is very drunk after tonight's dinner...haha...me still ok..here...just abit 'high' ..haha...still able to blog...she ar..can be gd at times..can be devil when she blows her top..hehe...meimei n didi, this little two naughty ar...can make ppl angry like 'siao' n can make ppl laugh like mad...haiyo....so to comfort myself.. ialways tell myself...."i am okay...i have found all these happpiness in my life... family..." but human nature...ppl will never get satisfy one...will keep grumble...nagging...just like me...there are tons n tons of "how i wish"..."what if"..."maybe"... in my mind...i noticed that the young ones are getting married earlier n earlier while the old ones can say thing like DIVORCE!! Oh Yo!!! don't they know such words really hurts...i can't make any change to these...but what i know is..it adds on more phobia n negative views towards marriage,...no longer any FOREVER..nor EVERLASTING...!! all are BULLSHITS!!!!! im really tired tired..just like what chris said perhaps we r just tooo tired taht leads us to think of those unhappy things...n memories....haiz...

tired!!!!~

u.hurt.me.....

sign off ~

Monday, August 22, 2005

...sUndAy...

finally it has come to an end of another week...counting down of everyday makes me feel so excited as i have always been waiting n hoping for the arrival of 2006 ... while, on the other hand, it means that all my on hand projects are going to due soon....headache man~ BURN! Burn! burn! all projects had burn away all my weekends!!! no shopping...no entertainment...no clubbing activities anymore.... whew~ we have just finished our gbe project yesterday...haha.. i make full use of yesterday by trying to shop after combining the project at chris's home. chris shop with me at tiong bahru shopping centre...guess where we shop? haha...NTUC FAIRPRICE!!! haha.. that was the place i suggested to go...i bought big big chicken sausage that ah koh had recommended me...and also beancurd--> my favorites... knowing that it wasn't my shopping mood for that day, my mood was totally SPOILT!!!! so angry...for no reason i was being attitude by my fren...thats make me so pissed off~ i didn't shop much...

again!!!! i didn't receive his letter... empty mail-box...disappointment....somemore i chose not to visit him today... luckily..no emotional outburst...

below are messages that how i wish i am able to tell him...

"there are times when i can't decide whether to see you or not, i want to see you because i miss you but there are times when i don't want to see you because everytime i do, the fact that you don't see me the way i see you, hurts me even more...if i can, i will forget the times you walked by, forget the times you've made me cry, forget the times you held my hand and forget all the sweet thingstaht you had done for me..i know i can no longer pretend, i have to remember now that You're Just A Friend. i often feel this pain which never will you know because it is caused by the absence of you and what hurt me most, is knowing that i once had you and then lost you... never will i regret loving you because even if you didn't love me anymore, i know that you once did and that is the most wonderful feeling because i never thought that i deserved your love..."

missing.u.badly~

...tHurSdaY...

rainy day..a weather that is not warm nor humid..most importantly, best for SLEEPING!!!! just imagine lying on a soft queen size bed..under a cosy quilt cover..woo~thats my toopid fat hope for now!!! having a test on tomorrow..argh! how to sleep, only to imagine lor.....it has been raining since yesterday late night around 4am...how i know? cos i was burning lamp oil for my GBE project...what a 'challenging' task-writing report on malaysia political and legal system....somemore this was only part of it...while others doing financial..economics..blah..blah...while doing this task, i received a call from A and we chat for about 15 to 20 mins but because i was focusing on the project...so for the 1st 5 mins, i was doing the talking n the rest was him...so bad of me...cos i think i didn't pay much attention to what he said so we end the conversation...

.......Unlucky??.... fUnnY??.......SuRpRisE??....CluMpSY??................

on tuesday...so clumpsy daphne..clumpsy 'da fen ni' or 'da ben xiang' thats what my fren, A used to call me.... y??? eating popcorn on and off for donkey years... yet for this toopid day while surfing the net...i heard a 'crack' noise..i thought i bite on the seed...n it was stucked in between my teeth and wire..being clever..i kept using my tongue trying to get that seed out..trying so hard to get that toopid till my tongue was like cramping then i 'si xin'...went to the mirror then i realised that it was my bracket..it dropped off..but was hanging on my wire..swirling n swirling when i used my tongue..hehe...so unlucky...but funny lo..it came off after almost half a year...haiz...i have to wait till next week to put it on..cos doc's not in this week...

.......................................................................................................................................................................

just got a storybook from library for myself , recommended by kq....don't think i have the time to read. exams coming soon...there is so much thing to do..revision la...projects la...watching t.v la...sleeping la..just join the job at bugis hoping that we can get the job then this coming holiday in oct..wont be so bored n no $$$ to go out...cos i want to go ktv...sing sing sing~by the way...kq has motivated me to be a tutor of pri sch kids...CONGRATULATION!!! kq has become a tutor...teacher...of a pri 3 kid...so cute...interesting...should i go???

hands off the keyboard~ going to study for RET test...

missing.u.like.crazy~~~~~~~

..tuEsdAy..

haiyo...don't know what a day man ! during break-time..our usual hang-out was crowded with people so we went to foodcourt....n it was also crowded..argh! that makes us walked all the way foodcourt4- no place too... and to foodcourt 5. blurping ~chris wanted to buy contact lens for her D & D today..just becos she was playing the role of rabbit? dwarf? chang-e? haha...well..today since the first lesson of the day, she was so 'high' till the day ends..haha...but such a sotong gal like her ar...don't even know that the one in foodcourt 3 is CO-OP not OPTICAL la... sotong!!!! i didn't blame her cos i offered to walk with her...hehe...

bread and soymilk was my lunch for today....after eating, we walked back to school...chris said want to slap me..so i dare her..and there she slap on my face..gentle one....and i wanted to slap her back..n both of us started to go mad...chasing each other from foodcourt 5 till our block...just pretending i was chasing her ( i was running on the same spot), chris ran like... haha..so exciting ..flashing back on those childhood... and EVIL chris hiding at the corner quietly, actually i was thinking that there is a possibility that she might be hiding...to my surprise, she was squatting down at the corner....damn shocking..and my ugly reaction was seen by the 5 of them...EEEeeee...damn 'ma-lu'....haha..it really de-stressed my day..whew!!! ..'man-zhu'..'man-zhu'..'man-zhu'........

recently, i didn't receive his letter...y? angry with me? busy? tired ? sick of writing to me? am i thinking too much? haiz... kind of disappointing man~since 25th july, the last letter i received from him...i was hoping and looking forward upon receiving his letter...but....everyday my mailbox was empty!!! haiz....

hope to see 'your' letter in my mailbox...

...sUnDaY...

finally...updating 'cum' changing of blogskin liao....recently...damn tired...over those stupid projects..i really hate it !!!!!! please~ can let us have a short break or rather let me catch a breath can??? eveything in one shot just come...like that still expect us to produce good result and efforts....we people are 'you qi, wu li', well..perhaps, i am the weakest, but i am sure most of my friends felt this way. just like chris and kq, both are stressing don't know like what...especially, chris...as i said, gal..u r not alone...don't worry...take it easy ar...

argh~felt so sad for derrick-he got kicked out of superstar...somemore if want to kick him in the first place, just kick lah...y must they give people a chance then next moment take away all his hopes...toopid!!!

hahaha..my two noisy sisters kept making noises on my bloster...oh please lah...does it really smell that bad? hehe...i thought i was the scent that everyone has it lor.....somemore if the smell really smells that bad, it was because i have been using it for long liao loh....stop grumbling hor...i am sure jiejie, urs, also don't smell that great ok...hehehe..so please please stop it....

yesterday, ah ma just brought dylan's(my cousin) wedding photo to show me...wah..wooo....again...(day-dreaming) always feel so good and nice when i attended wedding dinner..UuuhhhUUuu~ haha...love the feeling and the ambience...but one thing very very 'funny' was the wedding photo had no pics of mine n jiejie...know why? cos both of us..were busy walking over to gu-gu's table to 'yam-seng' lah...'yum-seng' till miss out photo taking..argh~ abit 'pek-chek'...actually..i thought that the restaurant was abit not well-organised..there were no entertainments like teasing the bride and groom de... somemore the MC was like dead-dead de..cant really bring out the joy...cant even shout 'yam-seng' in those solid solid de...'ma-chiam' like 'ah gua' lei...ah fen joined our table...the table was also not organised properly, we were very far away from our drinking kakis (gu-gu) haiz...that makes us miSS OUT that PHOTO TAKING... haiyo..such a pity~

next, what's so coincidence was...i was ah koh's god-bro in my cousin's wedding!!!!! he was my cousin's army friends.. maybe it doesn't seem to be a big deal...but i really feel that long ago before friendster starts, i alreday got my own link le...M was his buddy's ex..his ah-ma and ah-gong was staying in the same kampong with my ah-gong..blah..blah..blah...now..dad was his dad's.....haiyo....back to the subject, gossiping n sharing wif jiejie n ah fen that the wedding was abit boring as no entertainment. we also make promises to each other that, next time whoever gets married..anyone of us shall make things like powerpoint slides that shows photos of the bride n groom from ugliest to pretty n handsome.throughout the dinners....hehehe..however just before the dinner ends, we kept 'ta' beer..red wine...all kinds of drinks wif gu-gu they all...and despite of everyone looking at us..'ma-chiam' like 'siao cha bo', we still 'bo chap' ...fun n exciting..that draws everyone 's attention...also draw the crowd of guys ( cousin's frenz)...they challenged us by standing at their table want to challenge us to drink..haha..then gu-gu said 'mai lau kui' then all my gu-gu n cousins challenged back...n this makes the crowd came down to our table....haha..that brought more beers and martell to challenge us..after several 'yam-seng'.....we stopped n ended it..haha..that was the highlight for that dinner..i thought...after that, they still asked us to devil's bar...but no one goes....hehe..as it was the biggest celebration for my family in this recent years and also cousin was our eldest grandson of our family so all of us till now still kept repeating these happy moments...

-me and ah fen @ the wedding dinner-

sad news...fRidAy...get well soon

today supposely be, the same as normal school days,laughters...jokes...craps...nonsenses....morning still attending wp @ 8am...though i was sooo tired..drag get out of my cosy bed...happily enjoying the lesson cos first time so attentive in class...understanding the whole lesson n following it throughout...but..of cos, there is still craps in between..joking around with 'ah-mui' thingy...haha...somemore after consulting teacher regarding our webpage, knowing that im on the right tracks really wooah~ after the lesson..is the time for kq n me's heart-to-heart talk..every fri, we will share our secrets n chit-chat on almost everything at that pathetic 1 hour break....then joining chris they all in ret lecture..n removing all the stuffs from our notice board...joking again in veronica 's room...n just a split of seconds...EVERYTHING CHANGE.....our mood switch 'mono' kind de... dim..sad...dora broke the news to us...my fren..the first fren i get to know her in poly...met accident yesterday...the whole day i feel sooo uncomfortable...well..please note that: i WASNT one of those fakers!!! i still remember i get to know her in year 1 when we were doing those charity for school, if i'm not wrong is president's charity...that day she was my partner...we know each other n chat a lot on that day, it seems like we had known each other for many years..that day we chose our destination at holland 'v' n it was raining heavily after we had our lunch..so we intend to 'slack' in the foodcourt. while sitting n slacking we share everything...on dieting..relationship..family...school...friends..when i was in deep shit she was the one who will comfort me cos both of us are 'night-owl' so tends to call her in late hours n we will also plan to wear similar clothes to sch...skipping lesson n meet to sch....i really believe in fate...thats y i met her....n in one of the v'day i still saw her in ms cinema...both of us were in the same theatre n watching the same movie..and i noticed when i met her in the toilet after the movie. however after several months becos of those stupidity projects causes our friendship to turn sour...n also she had hurt one of my gd friend in a relationship...she was unsure of wat she wants n i did reprimanded her on this issue..i couldn't bear to see my fren so-called torture in such relationship after that... we were not that close anymore..each of us have our own fence to defend n protect....i thought it is just a matter of time...thinking that after some time the gap between us will close up sooner or later...but things didn't turn out to be wat i had expected...trying to save this friendship i even asked her to join my dental clinic's outing at west coast park...she didnt reject me n we went together....enjoyed flying kite...then to year 2 when she gets to know more friends..of cos, she will have the freedom to make new friends...but this once again pull us further away from each other...not even chit-chat on phone nor sitting down in the same table during break time...finally..i gave up...thinking that perhaps we are just high-bye friends...having this thinking for almost 1 years ++.. till today then i realised her good, n im such a failure in being a friend....really shame of me !!!! having that thinking..i made a big mistake... i didnt really care about her anymore..didnt even bother to return her missed call...n...u know gals loves gossips so when ppl talk bad about her i didnt even bother to speak up for her..instead, some time i still make fun out of it...especially today, i feel so bad really.when hearing that news..i knew i gonna cried so i chose not to go home first instead i went orchard with kq..chris..hs.x..n..y..actually we wanted to visit her but teacher suggested that it's better if we go on next week n heard from my other friend said that she's too weak to talk but still wants to talk so i think better not..let her rest first.... at this moment...i still feeling upset..y everytime i will start to treasure thing only when something had happened...am i someone with such lousy characters?..not fit to be a friend?..i know no point saying this ...i can't change anything but i know i can try to change my view towards her...n never get myself involve in any gossips that got to do with her...i really hope that u will get well lim jing......promise that i will not repeat that mistake n will be by ur side whenever u need a friend....

get well soon!!!~ lim jing~

.....tUesDaY....

recently im really down in luck...everything doesnt goes well for me....-family wise-....mum wasn't having a good life...can be describe as now she is being mentally torture..really hate that 'beast'....watever he used to promise mum, he didnt abide it...idiotic...there are still lots of things that really hard for me to accept n as well as say it here....what i can say is mum is suffering now n i really really don wish to see that...she will try to act strong n pretend nothing infront of us but i know n i can sense that she's really upset....i know i can't do anything but being a daughter really grief-stricken to see her suffering....-him-we r best friends now...we tok everything out nicely n feel that at this moment JUST BE FRIEND! sad? of cos..i am...and the moment i read his letter i pour like 'thunder storm', perhaps i really mistaken some things....anyway, after a long n cold bath, i really widen my thoughts le...i feel that sometimes love can't be force...just let's nature takes its course..n right now i can say i don't believe in love....n don't really looking for it nor waiting...so much things had happened that causes me to have phobia n lose trust in it....-friends- so happy..that i got a friend who always stand by me....(guess u know who u are)she makes me 'double-confirm' that she's really one who i can rely n trust most...haha..(mushy)...regarding the incident today...i thought i was the only one who will be piss off as that 'sarcastic sentence' is directly referring to me yet she was also angry...hey thanks * a pat on ur shoulder* good buddy lei... still remember not long ago we went for 'singathon' that last for 8 hours...hehe..those actions we did together n those small little topics we discuss really makes our friendship stronger n also draws us nearer..thanks really appreciate u a lot....remember if u have any problems, i will always be there for u...n as for the incident...im really disappointed..though it might be just a simple comment but hey!...will anyone says such things to a friend who u always be with? gossips i can accept but its sounds more like a backstab...

nowadays...eating bread is a trend for our click..haha....almost of us eat bread, moreover, we made those bread...haha..kq n me decide to make extra for each other n we will exchange...firstly, we will get to enjoy each other's..secondly, we can save $$$.... haha..tml im going to make egg sandwich...

a.phrase.for.myself.-be.happy!!!